?Model speaker: One of the presenters at a recent pipeline conference in Houston said he was a bit nervous about addressing what was expected to be a fairly large audience.


“I was sitting at dinner with my wife and my sons. My wife was explaining, ‘Your dad is going to be in Houston for the next few days. He is going to give a speech.’ My son asked what that was like, and I told him that it’s fun and I enjoy it. He asked how many people would be there and I said maybe 250. He asked if I ever get nervous. My wife said, ‘Your dad’s not nervous because he’s a model speaker.’ And I said, ‘Yes son, I am a model speaker.’


“So, for the rest of the night I was proud because my wife said I am a model speaker. That night, my son came back downstairs. He’d been working on a school paper. He said, ‘Hey goodnight dad, and by the way, I looked up the word ‘model.’ It’s a small replica of the real thing.’” JS

Environmentally sensitive: Another pipeline operator speaking at the conference said, “I can assure you we are environmentally sensitive. As part of the construction project, we had to hire three full-time snake handlers because the area we were going through was known to have a lot of rattlesnakes. The snake handlers were very busy. In fact, one of them got bit.


“Also, we had to send anti-venom to the local hospitals. The snake handlers were instructed to get the snake off the right-of-way, move it 100 yards, then let it go. The belief is, they won’t come back. Yes, these are the things you do to get your pipeline done. Initially, we were concerned. Where do you get three snake handlers? Fortunately, we were close to Washington, D.C.” JS

Going batty: While constructing the eastern section of Rockies Express Pipeline, a 1,579-mile, 43-inch-diameter gas pipeline that will serve Rocky Mountain gas producers, contractors had to pause for a batty cause. Douglas Walker, president of Rockies Express Pipeline LLC, says, “I have undertaken several pipeline projects in my career, and I think every one of them has dealt with the Indiana bat.” The mammal is grey-, black-, or chestnut-colored with pink lips, is about 1.5 to 2 inches long, and weighs about one-fourth of an ounce. “They tell me it’s endangered, but they must like to live around pipeline right-of-ways. One unique thing this project has is that we actually found these bats in Indiana this time.” JS

M&A news: The financial turmoil continues unabated, but financial-institution consolidation is slowing while other industry sectors are expected to turn to M&A to shore up faltering balance sheets. Watch for these consolidations later this year: Hale Solutions Inc., Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush and W.R. Grace & Co. will merge and become Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.


PolyGram Records, Warner Bros. and Zesta Crackers will join forces and become Poly, Warner Cracker. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become MMMGood.


Zippo Manufacturing, Audi, Dofasco and Dakota Mining will merge and become ZipAudiDoDa. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become FedUP.


Fairchild Corp. and Honeywell Computers will become Fairwell Honeychild. And finally, Knott’s Berry Farm and the National Organization for Women will become Knott NOW! JS

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