?Banker jokes: Beleaguered investment bankers have recently found themselves at the bum end of jokes made at their expense (pun intended), as their financial world crumbled. A TD Securities rep, seeking to head off jokesters at the pass by pre-empting the hecklers, recanted his favorites during a recent Houston Producers’ Forum program. “What’s the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon?” quipped Drew MacIntyre, TD vice chairman and head of global energy and power. “A pigeon can still put a deposit on a Ferrari! What’s the difference between an investment banker and a pizza? A pizza can still feed a family of four. I’ve heard a lot of these over the past few weeks.”

Desperate times: The following e-mail was sent to all Southern Bay-GeoResources employees: “Frank (Lodzinski) is missing a gold Cross pen and would like to know if anyone has seen it. If you know where it is or have it in your possession, please return it to him as soon as possible.”
The response: “Frank, it was me. These are desperate times that we live in. Because of the smoldering ruin that was formerly my personal investments—my 401k, etc.—I have had to resort to desperate measures to keep cash on hand. In addition, with the impending D.C. liberal supermajority on the horizon, I felt that I needed gold to be ready for the apocalypse. I melted it, along with other jewelry, to begin my stockpile of gold reserves at my home. Sorry. I certainly hope you understand.”

This market stinks so bad that (blank): Tudor, Pickering, Holt & Co. Securities’ research team asked its report recipients to fill in the blank, offering a “Got Shale?” T-shirt to the best answers. Some responses are that “it’s worse than a divorce: I’ve lost more than half my net worth, but I still have my wife,” “my broker recommended only two positions—cash and fetal,” “my dartboard got taken away in a margin call,” “I wish CFA stood for certified flight attendant,” and “I can’t find my boat, my 401k is so low the company has claimed technical difficulties with the online service, and I have been trying to get my office window open for weeks.”

You called it: Thanks to Sam Azzouni at KPMG LLP’s Global Energy Institute for re-sending us the firm’s April results from querying 372 financial energy executives on future oil prices. Some 55% said this past spring that a barrel of crude would fall below $100 by year-end. Who knew? They knew.

T. Boone envy: ?Most oil and gas people are somewhat competitive; it’s the nature of the industry. At industry events, discussions sometimes include avowals that, “my play is bigger than your play.” However, as low commodity prices slow activity and M&A, other venues have become ripe for comparison.
“I am a little jealous,” said Robert Bryce, author of Gusher Of Lies and managing editor of Energy Tribune, speaking to delegates at the IPAA annual meeting, held in Houston. “T. Boone Pickens has a new book out called The First Billion Is the Hardest. It’s a best seller. My book’s not. Pickens is on television, pretty much all the time. I’m not. Pickens has been married four times. I’ve just been married once. So, given all that, I have decided I am going to write another book. This one will be a memoir, and I already have the title picked out. It will be called, The First Wife Is the Hardest.” JS

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