Randomly thumbing through technical papers maybe doesn’t offer the highest probability of finding comic gems. But believe it or not, it happens. OK, it happened once.

If you made it to the end of “Economic Consequences of Poor Solids Control” (AADE-06-DF-HO-10), by Dr. Leon Robinson, you were rewarded by an Appendix item that could be the first-ever appearance of actual humor in a petroleum industry technical paper.
“When the IADC Mud Equipment Manual Committee started writing the Handbooks, someone suggested that each piece of equipment should have its own Ten Commandments.
Although this seemed a great idea, not all authors participated. George Stonewall Ormsby wrote the first set for hydrocyclones,” Dr. Robinson relates. And here they are, just as they appeared in his paper:

The Ten Commandments of Hydrocylones

1. Thou shalt forthwith remove from thy unit any cone that is plugged, yea, that is plugged even partially. For a cone that is plugged worketh not for thee and a cone that worketh not for thee worketh iniquity against thee.
2. Thou shalt not operate any other device in parallel with the hydrocyclone unit, for the hydrocyclone unit is a jealous unit. The results will be displeasing for all
to see.
3. Thou shalt apply thyself to centrifugal pumps with diligence, for it is written that without good centrifugal pumping there can be no cleaning.
4. Thou shalt not hide the hydrocyclones in remote and cursed places. For hydrocyclones need to be observed by day and by night; lest they fall by the wayside and become laggard and thou knowest not.
5. Thou shalt not place the cones on the highest mountain nor in the lowest valley, nor in any other inaccessible place, for maintenance is the staff of life for the cyclone. For this, it will repay thee forever.
6. Thou shalt not close the discharge of the hydrocyclone from the suction of the centrifugal pump. Instead, thou shalt permit the discharge to equalize in the mud tank with the suction compartment. Yea, by a lower route thou shalt permit it and this will save thee and thy seed many evils.
7. Thou shalt not close the underflow of the hydrocyclone nor make it heavy. This shall liken it to a serpent and thou processing shalt come to naught. Instead thou shalt open the underflow like unto the rain; for this is the essence of fine drilled solids removal.
8. Thou halt not cast away drilling fluid in the wholeness thereof to rid thyself of unwanted solids, but when barites are not therein, thou shalt instead release the cone underflow from all bondage, for by this shall your drilling fluid be freed of unwanted solids and your purse will remain heavy and your family will know their parents.
9. Thou shalt know and love thy hydrocyclone units and care for them as thine own, and it will cause thee and thy seed to prosper forever.
10. Let not thy new man servants, nor even thy maid servants, remain in darkness but instead teach them of the many bountiful blessings which accrue from following the wise teachings of the hydrocyclones.

We can only imagine how the reviewers dealt with this. But what’s clear is that behind the humor is a man who cares a lot about hydrocyclones. And he doesn’t mind laughing about it.

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